don't know much about your life, don't know much about your world.

God, I hope I can get over you easily. It's almost like I make you bad for me. And I hope that once this semester is over, I can let you go easily. The thought of seeing you today is making me sick to my stomach, probably partially because I feel like my feelings escalated over the weekend. I internet stalked the shit out of you and part of me won't be able to look you in the eye today for a while because I will feel like you'll know that I spent hours following every trail that I could to find information and pictures and anything I possibly could. But part of me wants you to know, because that makes it easier for me and gives me a way to tell you how I feel.

Which brings me to my other point. I've been seriously thinking about basically jumping off the edge and telling you how I feel. But I don't know if I should. I don't know if i should make myself that vulnerable.

But my problem is that I can't tell if I really really like you like I think I do or if you're just one of my crazy obsessive crushes that is only super intense because you're in my life on a weekly basis. Will I laugh about how I feel later? Six months down the road, will I even feel a shred of the same feelings that I feel now? Will I feel stupid for being as dramatic as I'm being? Will I look back on this blog and cringe? Will I feel like an idiot for being so crazy on tumblr? Probably.

Maybe I'll just tell you that I appreciate everything this semester and walk away from you. For good.

Or maybe I will say goodbye and then turn up in one of your classes next semester and tell you that I'd be lying if I said I was in the class for any other reason than you. I'd tell you that I'm drawn to you and I'm trying to figure out why. But I will know why, and I will spend the entire semester like I spent this one.

But you'll know, won't you? Because you read me better than nearly anyone in my life. I bet you probably already know most of everything I could tell you.

I don't know if I want to take another class from you anyway. I don't know if I have enough emotions for it. I don't know if I want to deal with it.

You probably already think I'm crazy and god the way I've handled this up until now really makes me realize how many issues I have. How fucked up my head is. I'm done being this way and I want it go go away. I hate myself tonight.